Ah Salespeople

I've recently read several posts about salespeople so I thought I'd add my two cents. They are pretty much worthless. I've had two experiences worth mentioning. First you should know that I live in a pretty new neighborhood so there are always people knocking on my door. It took me several weeks to learn not to answer the door. Slow I know, I just thought it would be some well wishing neighbor welcoming to the neighborhood instead I got "Hello, you look like you could use the Sports package from comcast!" Seriously? That's your best salespitch? Get off my porch. So there was one guy who was selling pest control. I open the door. He says "Hi I'm here from Insecticide." Long pause. Scans my porch. "Do you get any bugs around here?" Quite the sales man. Shoo. The worst was last summer I was getting ready to go to the airport, my bags were packed and I was doing some last min. dishes waiting for my father in law to pick me up. Those of you who know my father in law will have some inkling as to the unfortunate salesman's eventual demise. So I was washing my dishes when the doorbell rings. Assuming it's my ride, I tell Abby it's her Grandpa and to go open the door, while I dry my hands. Abs says, "Hi, come on in." What infuriates me is the guy did. On the say so of a two year old. It's just me and my kid at home. Then before I get a word out of my mouth he tries to sell me a vacuum, which he claims is worth $2000. A Kirby vac. I tell him I'm on my way to the airport and don't have the time. By this time he has fully assembled a vacuum in my front hall. Lightening speed I tell you. Then he begins vacuuming. All you salesmen out there a word of advice. Don't come in a house where there is only one woman at home. Don't try to make a sale while someone is leaving for the airport. He also invites his partner in. Creepy. By this time I'm very frustrated and nervous and I just want them to leave. And it shows. Fortunately for me this is about when Steve shows up. Unfortunately for them. They also make the poor decision of trying to sell him a vacuum. To make a long story short he tosses them out on their rears. The other sales guy worth mentioning is my favorite. He was selling magazines to earn money for his college education. After explaining this he asks me "so is your Mom here?" With a perfectly straight face I say, "no sorry, she's out of town." And close the door. Sorry this is so long, but you're the one who's reading it. Hope you enjoy.

I guess I deserve it

So this is a picture of my three year old right after she'd stolen my nintendo DS. She's trying to act casual so I won't notice. She actually turned it on and started playing a game. The funniest thing is that she thinks that she's hidden in this chair and I'm not going to see her. Silly Abby, moms can see thru chairs. Also, you have to press B to make Mario swim. Can't believe she didn't know that. I guess it won't be long before she figures it all out.

I'm It

I guess I got tagged I'm supposed to list six interesting things about myself. Which may be difficult, as most of you know I'm fairly boring. Mundane really. And most of these will be things you're already aware of.

1. In secret, when my children and husband are sleeping I use my laser level to assure myself that the pictures in my house are straight.

B. My favorite food is cereal and I have had it for breakfast, lunch and dinner.

Also. I own 6 watches which I never wear. Consequently I'm always asking what time it is.

4. I can touch the tip of my nose with my tongue.

E. I have made James tuck me in so my sheets & pj bottoms can be straight.

6. Unlike Elesa I CAN count to six.

Plus. Unfortunately for all of you I'm really full of myself. In fact I could talk about glorious me all night and day.

8. I have been parasailing.

Lastly, I use washcloths in my kitchen once before I have to launder them again, I'm extremely paranoid of stinky rags.

J. I am very bad at guessing how long it will take me to get somewhere.

Then again. No matter how organized and picked up it is I do not feel like my house is clean unless the floors are vacuumed, swept and/or mopped. Conversly even if everything else is completely disorderly cleaning my floors makes me feel as if my whole house is pretty much spotless.

Are you still reading this? I figured I'd give you a few things about myself and let you pick which ones were interesting.

What's up?

So what's the deal with receipts. It seems like everywhere I go I'm inundated with paper proof that I purchased something. Like receipts at the gas station. When am I ever going to need to use that receipt? Can you return gasoline if it isn't up to par? I did so fill up my car, look, here's the receipt. Or for instance today I got a diet coke at McDonalds. $1.53. I gave them exactly one dollar fifty three cents, they gave me one medium diet Coke. And a receipt. About a mile long that explained how I might be able to win monopoly if I purchased 2,079 more diet Cokes between now and Nov. 1. A likely scenario. Void where prohibited. Where exactly do they prohibit the purchase of a diet Coke. Because I know for sure I NEVER want to live there. After receiving these nearly meaningless pieces of paper I invariably shove them in some little known pocket of my purse, already a study in disorder, this small wrinkly crinkly addition does nothing to improve affairs. About once every quarter I sit down to clean out my purse. Most often I remove about 3.57 tons of receipts. Approximately one quarter of a rainforest. And a few foil gum wrappers. Even if I wanted to return my diet Coke, how would I ever find the receipt after it disappeared into the abyss that is my purse? I think about 85% of the disorder of the universe can be attributed to receipts. Somehow in todays society we have managed to nearly do away with the need for an individual to carry around any paper money at all. They just slide their neat little plastic cards through some magic machine and presto, no need for money. Why can they not invent a similar machine and card for all receipts. I'd like to return this donut. Well of course I have the receipt. You whip out your plastic proof of purchase card slide it through a magic machine and bingo the record of your pastry purchase appears and you can safely return your donut for one that does not have a hair baked into it. Why all the mess? I of course would invent this gizmo if I had an inkling of how to do it, unfortunately it is far beyond my skills. Somehow we did not cover that in Microbiology.

Stevie

So I suppose I should have a few pictures of Stephen on my blog. I wouldn't want anyone to think I'd forgotten him, because he sure is the greatest little boy ever. Here's a few examples of why he's so spectacular. 1. He smiles all the time for anyone 2. As long as he has a thumb, he's content 3. He's a great listener 4. Uh, he's also just cute.

I took some pictures of Abs the other day to demonstrate my skill as a photographer, here she is staring thoughtfully out the window at the audacious rabbit who digs up my flower bulbs and eats them.

First Try

It's the middle of the night and I'm trying to get this started. As it happens James is out of town and I can't sleep and I'm too lazy to put my Sims disk in the drive so I'm stuck blogging, or trying to. So today Abs wanted to watch a movie and I said no and she said why and I said because I'm the boss. She said no I'm the boss. And I said okay boss turn on a movie for yourself. A few minutes later she comes to me with the remote and says Boss can I please watch a movie. Boy did I show her. Wait until she learns to use the remote, then I'm in trouble. I'd like to be silly or at least say or do something silly, but I am way too tired to be clever. I'm at the state of tiredness where I think I'm clever and funny, but normal people would disagree, so I'll try to keep it interesting. I'd tell you what I did today but mostly I spent an embarrasing amount of time playing Command and Conquer. When you can nurse and play computer games it's time to stop. Playing games that is. Okay that's enough for one day right? Don't even know who I'm asking. The internet gods?